There's so much to life that I never realized before.

And to men, or man, apparently.

I honestly never thought I could sit for like over an hour, feeling at my worst, and have a man, listen to me, like Really, listen to me.

It's like... I don't know.

If I was looking at him, and myself from the outside, I would think myself stupid for still wanting her old life back.

Am I a fool?

Oh and another thing! LittleBigPlanet looks AMAZING!!

And Buffy ^_^

I'd almost forgotten how amazing it is.

Currently finishing that quiz

God, I wish life was more exciting in a non painful non boy way.

I wish I could have gone out with someone and done a photo shoot today, it was beautiful outside.

There are some things that never change, me and him for example. He always makes me feel better no matter what's happening. He's always been there. Always.

Got back in about an hour ago, I was at the Skatepark until about half 10. Me and Amy made some chopstick tiki torches today, and her bum talked to me, in a tree. YEAH, IN A TREE MOTHERFUCKER!

Piper's party last night was ace, loads of fun there and quite a few good pictures too, always makes me happier.

Also after being reminded by Sian today of Rodrigo y Gabriela, I'm listening to Tamacun. Kick ass.

I'm getting quite sleepy now, seeing Liam in the early afternoon and then I have college the day after so that should be okay.

I can't wait to see him, I miss him so much.

I'm already thinking about what to get him for Christmas.

He means so much.

But so does he.

Well, the title is pretty self explanatory.

I have an X-Factor Audition on the 19th of this month.

I've read on a few forums that the audition waiting time is a long and grueling process, and then the actual audition is one of the most pointless and quick things ever to be experienced. BUT, the good thing about it is, the experience itself. I'm not thinking woo, I could win. I'm thinking woo, if I'm lucky I might get past the first round and get to meet Simon Cowell. Ha, I'm mental.

Yeah, that's about it for now.

Went dress shopping the other day, found a really nice one, BUT it was in the sale stuff, so it won't be there, so I'll have to start again on Wednesday. So, that doesn't sound too fun. Then, I have to find some matching shoes as well. More grueling shopping in the rain and cold wind no doubt. How lovely.

X-Factor news really hasn't sunk in yet. I'm waiting for the morning when I wake up and scream with excitement LOL.

What a night. Everything that could have happened tonight, happened. That isn't necessarily a bad thing though.

Tonight I learned something new about myself. I never expected it either. It just kind of happened as the night went on.

The thing I learned is that no matter what happens, and no matter what I'm feeling sad about. Photography always makes it all better. I did nothing but drink, have fun and take photograph's tonight. And it was amazing.

I also learned some other things. I like Bandannas more than I thought I did. I love my new scarf and beanie. And I look amazing in shades or specs.

I also realized tonight that no matter how bad things get. There is always someone out there who loves you for who you are. Whether you know it or not. Even if they don't realize it yet. Someone looks at you and thinks " Wow. "

I find that a comforting thought. Even though it may not be possible to act upon it. I find it a nice thought knowing that whatever you do, and whatever you say, you're still loved exactly the way you are. Glasses, funny faces, drunkenness and all.

But... When you get home. To the familiarity of it all. To the coldness of the inside. And an empty couch. It hits you like a ton of bricks that you're alone again, just like you started. And there's no longer someone watching you. Loving you. The one person who would complain about this very thing isn't here. Isn't spending the time. And is being missed more than he knows.

I'm ever so depressed and lonely. But the little things in life make me feel better. And 77 completely mad photographs help too.

She's always been truly happy with her life, and has always known who she wants to be, and who she can be. She can work with her limits and still get amazing results and happiness. I wish I could know myself as well as she knows herself, then maybe I could accomplish something that would make me that happy too. I love her to bits though, would never wish sadness on her :-p

On closer inspection of my personal diary, I suddenly realized that I really need to find the good and uplifting points of my day. This is the result of that. It isn't exactly anything great or meaningful, it doesn't even have to be read by anyone else but me. However, as long as I know it's there I hope to find a way to share the things that make me smile and think of better times.

Anyway, to continue.

I'm very likely to rant on a little bit here as I've had way too much Rose wine for it to be good for me. Hell, it was lovely stuff though. Made my lil' toes go all tingly and warm, and believe me, that is one hell of a first for me.

And you know, just to break into my thoughts here. It's just dawned on me, that I write an awful lot. I keep my personal diary, I have a blog on Myspace, I now have a blog on here, I also write in my DA Journal, and I'm constantly writing songs, music and lyrics. I never stop writing. Maybe I should put all this writing into one huge book and entitle it " The Memoirs Of..." Something or other. I'll think of that later.

But anyhow, to continue on the thought of good things. Wine. Wine is such a good thing. Chocolate is also divine. Especially with it being the Easter weekend. I had an entire Terry's chocolate orange egg to myself, and the two chocolate bars that came with it. I was so chuffed, I can't begin to tell you.

Mothers are also wonderful things. I never used to respect my mother. I used to honestly wish she would just leave me completely alone a few years ago, that soon changed though. I grew out of my unruly teenager stage, and I know I went through one, even though at the time I would have rather died than actually admit that. Now, my Mum isn't just my Mum, she's my best friend as well, she's my drinking buddy, she's not like a Mum most of the time. Only on the odd occasion where I'll go out for the night and she won't sleep for a minute until she knows I'm safely back in the house and tucked up in bed half asleep. That does get annoying as she's so agitated the following morning. But, nevertheless she is a great parent, and I really owe her a lot of presents now, so I'd better get saving some money.

Let's see.

Christmas Present = x 2
Birthday Present = x 1
Easter Egg = x 1
Mother's Day Present = x 1

That shouldn't cost too much, and anyway, I can just make her a CD and introduce her to more music she hasn't heard before. She'll be happy with that. I'm sure of it.

Oops, spaced out for a minute there after I had to move to feed the cats. A pointless effort it was too, all four of them are still situated about the room fast asleep. Two of them are perched on my feet and legs, eventually everything below my knees will be numb and I'll have to prop myself up with something just to be able to move them. Animals eh? Who'd have 'em?

I feel better for my rant there, and now I'm going to head off to bed and tomorrow, I shall find something nice to write about here. Then I can look back on it and smile. Oh, and if Luke knows what's good for him, he'll have gotten me something made of chocolate by tomorrow evening and the happy thoughts will be about him.

Heh, kind of funny when even you know that you're expecting way too much of a man.